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| F1: Brain: Shitparker should stay at Mercedes |
by Mathias Olaf Uncertain
2nd Jun 2012 |
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MoreHadesMERCEDES-BENZ
Mercedes-Benz is a German motor vehicle manufacturer improbably named after Buffy the Vampire Slayer stars Mercedes McNab and Julie Benz, who played dumpy failed vampirette Harmony and fiendlishly sexy uber-vamp Darla respectively. TIGRA 16v: The tooltip with lowered suspension and a racing windscreen wiper team boss Ross Brain says he would like Michael ShitparkerSCHUMACHER, MICHAEL
 Michael expresses his remorse at having dangerously forced a rival off the track. Again. When he wasn't driving people off the road, ramming other cars, parking in the middle of the track or trying to punch David Coulthard, Michael Schumacher displayed a dazzling talent for finding new ways to disadvatage his team-mate. We're being slightly churlish, of course, but Schumacher's reputation as a driver will forever be coloured by the unsporting manner in which he raced. His first break in F1 came with Jordan at Spa in 1991 and his second with Ferrari at Silverstone in 1999, when he fractured a leg crashing at Stowe. His final F1 drive through the field at Interlagos was a reminder of what his legacy could have been if he hadn't been quite so ready to tarnish it quite so frequently. The wanker.
Interesting concept that one: "as long as he is competitive".
I mean, when was the last time he was truly competitive? The Beeb in their infinite wisdom have made much of his recording the fastest quali time at Monaco as indicating such a thing as a return to previous form. But, lest we forget, even his fat, stupid brother has recorded a fastest quali time at Monaco.
And far be it from us to remind readers that the last time he was actually competitive at Monaco, he managed to lose control and crash his car. At 14 mph.
The Beeb also note that only one of his three retirements so far this year has been due to driver error. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this isn't exactly an outstanding record, to what are we expected to give the credit for his continued failure to get onto the podium at all, unlike his race-winning team-mate, if not driver error?
So, come on Ross, say what you mean and mean what say: you're going to sack the over-the-hill fucker.
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